girivalam @ Arunachala

This is one of the most beautiful journeys I have undertaken in this lifetime. Having meditated in the mystical caves of himalayas and trekked extensively in the expansiveness of the mighty mountains, I always felt there is one more deeply mystical hill to visit and to complete the shiva journey on this plane. However the deep urge to be in Arunachala, came to me in the form of a message.

I waited for a summon from Shiva and it came in the form of a message from Mohanji when he visited Dubai. It just synchronized with my deep intent too. Arunachala is not just another hill or pilgrim spot. It is the body of Shiva while Kailash Parbat is where Shiva meditates in the light form.

"Arunachala is truly the holy place. Of all holy places it is the most sacred! Know that it is the heart of the world. It is truly Siva himself! It is his heart-abode, a secret kshetra. In that place the Lord ever abides the hill of light named Arunachala

Arunachala-the true embodiment of Shiva. Every stone, leaf, insect, cave, sand here is divine. If you look carefully on the top of the hill, you will see Shiva with his face upwards looking at Mt sumeru.

The plan to be in Arunachala coincided with my visit to Chikmagalur where we are planning to set up Kevala Celebration Center. The word spread quickly to my spiritual brother Parthibhan at chikmagalur. He promised to join us with his entire family and be a part of this sacred journey to cleanse our karmas. So this became the first spiritual retreat of Kevala Foundation.

We landed in Thiruvannamalai at about 10:30 am in the morning. It was the 11th of october. We watched several hundreds of people walking on the approach roads. I was told that this is the outer path around arunachala which is a paved one and dotted with shops, temples and attracts a lot of crowds including people driving past the trekkers in their fancy cars.

We quickly checked into a hotel, aptly called Arunachala Ramana Home. A board hung outside stated "Roof Top view of Arunachala". I dumped my bags quickly in some of the rooms and raced up the stairs to the terrace. True to their word, the view of the hill was picture perfect. Arunachala was beckoning with its mighty grace. The magnetic pull of the hill was so powerful that I couldn't take my eyes off the peak. The hues began to shift and there was something happening there which was beginning to reveal more.

I wanted to see more than what my eyes could gather. I just prayed to Shiva- please show me your real form. Within a few moments, there was a light form of shiva dazzling and blazing on the top of the hill, and I was revealed how to view the contour of hills. Shiva was indeed lying with his face up to the sky, as if gazing deeply into the immense vastness, with his consciousness pervading every atom of space in the physical universe.

Soon i was joined by Vijaya, Bhuvana, Deepa, Akhila and Parthi on the terrace. They were also basking in the beautiful sight of Arunachala. I asked Deepa, if she wanted to know how it feels to be on the top of Arunachala. She said yes! I told her to place her hands above my head. Within a few moments, she said she could feel that her hands were chill and currents were passing through her.

We had lunch at Seshadri Swamingal Ashram. Most of us had a small helping of curd rice. A light meal was ideal as we wanted to take the "inner Core" path around Arunachala. In local lingo its called Girivalam which basically means circum-ambulation around the hill. We called upon the services of a local guide. Soon enough a tall, thin man called Jagan walked into our room. He claimed to know the inner path very well and cited that he was featured in the best blog site of arunachala by an explorer called Richard. I faintly recalled seeing his pic on the site and we instantly entrusted him to offer his services.

The entry for the inner core path is behind the serene Ramana ashram. Walking past ramana ashram brought back fond memories of being with this great master. There is a statue of him seated on a platform in a meditation hall. The statue is so true to life that one can just visualize Ramana Maharishi seated with his gaze locked into Arunachala. I thanked the master again for inspiring me on the path of liberation.

We were a group of 12 people who set foot on the inner core path of Arunachala. We must have walked about a mile inside when we saw a large rock. Our guide said this is where Ramana used to sit and watch Arunachala. I sat there for a while and enjoyed the vibrations of the space that once was occupied by one of the greatest enlightened beings to have walked on this plane.

We walked around in the path that was full of pleasant smells emanating from the bushes around. Jagan our guide said that many siddhars in astral form were operating in arunachala and the divine aroma that wafted through the air indicated their presence. Very few people undertake the inner core path, and its almost ordained as to who deserves to take up this path. The walk in outer path around arunachala is a karma cleansing kriya while the walking in the inner core path is taking a into the path of dissolution.

I insisted Jagan not to miss out any single cave, even if it meant deviation from the route. He agreed and kept gliding over the rocks and negotiating through the thorny bushes as if it never existed. Jagan only stopped only when he wanted to point out significance of the rock formation in arunachala. The arunachala is easily the most stunning,natural rock formation I have come across. All the sacred symbolism, geometry is depicted in these formations which accentuates the age old cliche that truth is stranger than fiction.

We saw a rock that the face of Nandhi- the vehicle of Shiva, and then as we passed, all the seven chakras came along the way. There was a deep inner churning happening within the spine. It is so easy to miss all these subtle aspects if our mind is lost in chatter, or occupied in the physical aspect of the walk. The trek may seem just like a breeze. But the 16 km track is more cleansing than any average mind can capture. A true aspirant on the path of exploration will appreciate every bit of the journey.

CAVES ALONG THE PATH:
Many thousands of siddhars have done tapas in the caves of arunachala for millions of years. Their combined energies serve as a booster for any sincere meditator to experience the depth of their service to humanity.

Some of the caves that we visited are Virupaksha Cave(Virupaksha is deeply associated with Sri Ramana Maharshi. Ramana lived here for 17 years [1899-1916]. The cave is named after a famous saint, Virupaksha, who lived in this cave in the 1500′s, around the same time as Guhai Nama Shivaya lived nearby. At Virupaksha’s demise, called here ‘maha samadhi,’ it is said that his body was transformed into vibhuti (sacred ash). In the interior of this cave there is a mound in the shape of Arunachala. It is said to be made of this vibhuti.

Skandashram:
Sri Ramana lived at Skandashram from 1916 to 1922. His mother joined him during this period, and for the first time, cooking was done there. This is where his mother had her maha samadhi in 1922. Her room is now a shrine. What isthe most significant aspect of the caves is the unmistakable cosmic energy that pulls upwards from the crown as soon as we enter it. This is the magnetic pull of shiva and it is so obvious that so many masters have left behind their blessings for many aspirants to get a glimpse of extent of what is possible through dhyana.

We meditated at many rock caves and also mediated with a french baba whose amazing stillness baffled all of us. The caves are difficult to approach as there are many thorny bushes to negotiate, and they are so cut off from regular path that one does need a local guide to access them. We managed to spend good time soaking in the immense vibrations and it was definitely a treat to be there and seek the blessings of the siddhars.

There was a deep pull to do tapas in these caves, but the fact that we are in a group of children and women and had to return back to our hotel before dark stayed as a reminder in the sub-conscious when I immersed deeper in the meditation. Those precious moments just were a recall factor of meditating in past lives in these caves.

In one of the shakti caves, i received a message that we are going to be with Nagaraja (serpent king). It was not a physical encounter with a snake. We entered into a cave next day and all details of this serpent protected cave is in next blog of climbing arunachala.

We made our way through dense bushes and precariously aligned rocks at a rapid pace. The time we spent in the caves meant that we had to complete the walk before dark. I could sense many tired legs in our group, but the indomitable spirit took on.

Sainath was getting bogged down by the immense karmic churning happening within and add to it, he was under anti biotic medication. He seemed to get heavier every step. Thats when i came down to his assistance. There was an immense surge in my energy as I held his hand and guided him at a frenetic pace along the hill. The fact that he is 25 kilograms heavier than me and the ease at which i dragged him the steep rocks was enough for him to understand of how kundalini power comes to the rescue and the not to forget the unseen hands and unmistakable support of the siddhars.

As we treaded along the path, we saw katti shiva cave and a medicinal pool. we had hardly much time to spend at the cave as the setting sun reminded us of the pending journey.

Jagan relied on his ancient technique of restricting the pending distance to our hotel as 2 kms and everyone kept walking endlessly and joked with him that this measure must be most imaginative by any standards.

We saw the glorious full moon peeking out of the clouds. The devotees below were getting ready for walk along the outer path of arunachala. Jagan showed us the spectacular views of all significant angles of arunachala. In the fading light, the magnificent body of shiva was inviting me to take the climb the next morning at 5 am. When we reached the town limits after walking through the inner path, we saw crowds pouring into the streets. It was like a carnival that carried through the night.

There were street musicians raising the festive fervour, while temples and road side restaurants made quick business as the crowds swelled. The whole town is an extended temple, dotted by ashrams, hotels, road side cafes, street hawkers, and a lot of rubbish on overt display.

Despite all the noise, dust, rubbish on the streets, thiruvunnamalai continues to attract sincere aspirants who quickly learn to focus on their main objective of the journey,which is a lesson in itself. The first day of girivalam on full moon night was just a deep seated opening of flood gates of ascending currents that were waiting for us the next morning.

We thanked Jagan for his guidance without which this trip to caves on the inner path would not have been possible.

I have shared some images below of our journey:

https://picasaweb.google.com/111190197318669060612/ForWeb02?authkey=Gv1sRgCMGh7ZHchePIKA#

Love

Pradeep Ullal

Innocence – the essence of eternal consciousness

I once held a new born baby girl in my hand. What I instantly felt there was the fast moving currents running up and down through her little frame. She was in deep sleep oblivious of the crowd that was gathering around her, while the currents of prana in pristine flow in her just reinstated the pure state that we come into this physical plane as babies.

It was such a joy to hold her, while the happy, giggling women surrounded her, sharing their joy of watching her sleep. I could sense that many hands were just itching to just hold her. She had all the radiance (tejas) to keep the crowd so deeply attracted towards her.

I tenderly kissed her soft spot on the head. I must admit that it’s the most beautiful interaction with purity that one can experience in nature. Her head was emanating amazingly sweet fragrance, while her face was radiating a soft glow. Amrit (nectar ) is our body’s elixir of life which flows from our pituitary gland and travels down the spine while mixing with the cerebro-spinal fluid.
We grown-ups too can experience the nectar if we can sublimate our vital body essences virya (semen, vaginal fluids), ojas (lubricating sap), tejas (fire) to blend with our life force - prana which then finally transmutes into drops of nectar in our pituitary gland. It’s a sublimation process that demands deep awareness and yogic practices.
The blissful interaction with the baby put me in deep contemplation. I walked back home just thinking about the path of purity and how many of us have lost our way in pursuit of a dream that we have borrowed from someone on this physical plane. We had arrived here with so much purity, innocence and deep connection to the divinity within and somehow lost it, along the way.

We are not going to return to innocence just by being with children. We can envy their purity, spontaneity, vibrancies, exuberance and zeal for life. We can’t reverse the catabolic wheel and regenerate our cells like them anymore. We will continue to degenerate as its law of this plane. We can learn how to sustain youthfulness by slowing down the degeneration process and rejuvenation processes like pranayama, panchkarma, kayakalpa, and so on.

More importantly, we can unlearn from our stressful living and let go off the emotional baggage and celebrate the imperfectly perfect state that we are in. It’s an important step towards returning to the source of our causeless joy within.

Ignorance:
The path to liberation of the self is inundated with many obstacles. Many of them are self-imposed, and the rest are gifted to us by our societies, communities, and many of the walls that we have surrounded ourselves with.

Ignorance is one of the thickest walls one can ever encounter. Since many of us just seem to be contented by being within the confines of these walls, Ignorance is treated as bliss and many billions on this plane celebrate this state of unawareness like the norm. Our souls despite is deep seated awareness of its journey is masked by the dark veil of the universal mind called Maya.

Intelligence:
Many of us have used the power of exploration to move from ignorance towards harnessing the power of intellect. Intelligence has its gains and pitfalls. While it gives us the discretionary power to chaff out our journey and give us a definitive path of awareness, it still does not have the power to liberate us from the pain, suffering, misery, greed and the chain of desire that confines us to the wheel of life and death.

All the lofty ideals, beliefs, traditions, scientific techniques, theories, philosophies have not enabled us to identify ourselves with a constant integrated universal awareness that we are divine beings exploring the human journey and we are eternally connected to the infinite consciousness. We have been easily lead into a journey that is maligned by fear, an insatiable greed fuelled by ego while we continue to gratify and protect our basic fountain of life which is survival instincts, food, comfort and procreation.

Application of intellect provides the cutting edges in our explorative journey. However it serves as a deterrent to realize the truth. The truth is revealed in the deepest silence within. It’s the infinite consciousness conversing with us when everything within becomes still, and absorbed in nothingness.

It’s improbable to crystallize the big picture of our journey with the faculty of our thinking minds. All the greatest thinkers on this plane have deduced that behind the functioning of the universe laws is driven by a powerful mathematical equation. But somehow all this intellectual understanding has its own fallacies and their theories have fallen flat at the hands of other theorists and adversaries. The scientific community tends to concludes that they agree to disagree with each other.

Intuition:
Intuition allows us to explore the depth within us intrinsically and rely on being in flow rather than logic. This intuition points us to the awareness within. Each of our cells carry the universal awareness. The microcosm has the information of the macrocosm. Our outwards journeys can make us feel inadequate and incomplete; while the inner journey elevates us to connect with the creative intelligence that governs the universal flow of events. There is more bliss, contentment and fulfillment and connectedness to the vastness of this universe. It is like a home coming, and returning to the source. There is deep senses of oneness within and the separateness slowly fades away.

We can tap into the awareness of the zero within us, which has the immense potential to all the universal truths. The greatest truth of the universe is that the whole physical universe is a just a projection and it reflects itself on the universal consciousness.

Divinity or godliness pervades everything in this universe. So we have encased ourselves in a human body that is a divine instrument, calibrated like a sacred geometrical device. We have all the ability to tap into the creative intelligence to connect with the stars, planets, cosmic beings and derive the inspiration to perform effectively.

However, the combined experiences and intelligence of humans has failed to give any precise path to our soul’s depth of journey through our ascension process of love, light and consciousness. There is no single path, as all of them finally broaden and expand into oneness and wholeness.

When all intelligence is exhausted, intuition awakens. Many eternal souls have assumed human journeys and tried hard to explain a part of the truth, while beaming their enlightened awareness on how to go about this puzzling phenomenon. The search is incomplete and the answers are fuzzy. This makes it very clear that there is no definitive path to knowing and it’s unique to each one of us. The fact is that we will never get to know the entire picture as we operate at varying bandwidth in multi-dimensional realities. The universe is evolving way too quick for us to comprehend or measure with our limited awareness.


All the great prophecies have only reduced our thinking to more limitations and miserable rules that have pinned us into vicious cycle of rights and wrongs. All we can do is to remember the true nature of our soul. We are divine, sacred, pure beings who have chosen to explore a human journey on this plane. Through our experiences, the eternal universal consciousness expands and reflects upon its own creation. As we progressively connect with our higher awareness, we elevate as immortal ascended beings.


Man in the Mirror
In a simple analogy, it’s like standing in front of the mirror. We want to look better in the mirror, and for that image to get better, we have to work on ourselves and not the mirror. It reflects that we have work inwards and ascend into expansive awareness. In this journey, there is nowhere to go. Inner journey is all about stillness. When we supremely still our mind, it serves as gateway to higher consciousness, the currents driven by the power of kundalini bursts open through the central channel in the spine and merges with the cosmic awareness at the converging point on the top of our crown.

Shunya- The Zero
The zero or nothingness from where everything emerges is so close to us that we miss it or rather ignore it. It is the core being within us. Its our human nature to ignore whatever is close to us, and focus on the distant, which appears more appealing. we have been trained to focus on the outward. Its a part of our evolutionary seed within.

We are gatherers, shoppers and hoarders. We have access to libraries that have all the claims for more terminologies and techniques but fails to help us achieve that stillness and silence within. No inspiration is good enough, it just requires us to become deeply contented and allow ourselves to become still and silent.

The soul is a witness to this cosmic drama unfolding in front of us as events. However to access this state, it takes us to plunge into that nothingness, silence within that is penetrable through the innocence.

We have to make sense of all this in our own way through dedicated actions. We can’t change the way the universe works, as the events are happening, we are just witnessing them without any power to control.

However we can bring about a paradigm shift by the seeing things as they are and not how we want to see them. We are the only change we can bring to the universe. We are living multi dimensional realities within us. We can only change ourselves by integrating our fragmented existences in various dimensions and rewrite our destiny or the course of our journeys, if only we can accept, expand and become one with the universe within, the external universe merely reflects our state. Everything is just in flow and is coming towards us. That’s the power of influence of a powerful being within us.

Revelation: It Just happens when we least expect it
Seeking the truth will not help us. The more we search, the more it eludes us. So can we just rest our case and wistfully surrender to the destiny or continue to explore? We do have the ability to purify our instruments of breath, body, mind, heart to able to absorb the purity within, which is speaking to us in a language of silence. To achieve stillness and silence within, is a progressive state of awareness.

In that emptiness when we no longer try to know, the truth just reveals itself. The self reflects upon itself and realizes its true nature. Suddenly, the cosmic joke that we call as journey becomes so clear. It Just happens when we least expect it. Laughter erupts from the pit of our bellies.

Even the slightest understanding of this cosmic joke is enough to unshackle us from the bondage of cyclical miseries. With more cleansing within our minds, we become a pure conduit with abilities to tap into our higher awareness. This clearly ushers us into the innocence within. We become children again. The innocence returns and sustains.
To switch to a child like state is a cherished and blessed state. All the knowledge of the universe can’t help us to achieve that state.

Instant healing with super conscious brain

It was the evening of 14th August. My wife told me that some of our friends were organising a 12 km Midnight Freedom run in Dubai. She sounded excited about the run and was keen that I too join her. I was a bit reluctant as I have not been running for almost 7 years now. My runs have been rather inspired by my daughter smriti, and have been just short bursts of sprinting or running up the stairways, once in a while.

The first caution that sprang up was that we were travelling to uganda 2 days later and hence I asked if she is sure, we can risk a few niggles, and not to mention the heat and humidity at its peak in mid august, the run would have been far from pleasant.

Something within me wanted to break free from all ill-preparedness for this event and just run. There were about 30 enthusiastic runners, who I figured out were regular runners. My wife and my friend Harpreet were the only 2 women in the group.

The run started smooth and after about 4.5 km stretch, we had a water break, I realized the extent of the run which was really demanding. The real challenge was to keep pace with the rest of these runners as I was not familiar with the route of the run. It required just tremendous will power, and determination to overcome the exhaustion as the legs seemed to get heavier with each step.

It was then I pulled up my reserve of adrenaline and thanks to the inspiring bunch of guys who kept reassuring that the finish line was not far. My wife and I completed the run, and we were received warmly by the guys who finished ahead of us.

I quickly realized that my legs had taken a considerable punishment. The first set back surfaced in the morning when i noticed the after-effects of the run. I walked out of my bed with a painful hamstring and super heavy calf muscles.

I had to find a way to come out of this state soon. I was too busy during the day to attend to my legs. However that night, just before I went to sleep, the thought of healing came in very strongly. What happened in the next few minutes is worth mentioning as it opened a few more doors in my learning process of how powerful we are as humans.

I recall vividly the flow of events that happened that night. I knew that the key to the healing process was within my brain and it had to triggered from there. Based on my past experiences of tapping into the pineal gland and hypothalamas and releasing the endorphins and serotonin, to relieve the pain, I knew that it will help me immensely.

I focussed deeply into the center of the brain. I could feel the intensity of the neuron gateways in action. The distinctive currents were just what I normally experience in my meditative silence. Its a combination of deep pulsations, vibrations, orgasmic sensuality, rhythmic while still feeling that emptiness of the infinite void within.

There was just thought that occurred. It just prompted me to just remain a witness. From the center of the brain, there was a explosion of vibrations. It rose like a volcanic eruption. I could no longer feel any boundaries of my skull or the confines of any structure. The space within was just so beautiful. Everything within me felt deeply connected to the center.

There was also a distinctive current from the brain shooting down the spine and into my legs. I watched the events that were happening. Deep corrections were taking place without any intervention. I was not directing any of these flows. It was just coming straight from a superior intelligence within, which seemed to be super consciously aware of every single flow, and which was beyond my comprehension at that point. I was in total surrender and at ease as the currents within were teeming and reaching its destinations.

The powerful neuro-transmissions may have lasted only couple of minutes. All I remember now that I must have into slipped into deep sleep very quickly.

I woke up the next morning, fresh as ever and walked out to my bathroom without any limp or pain. When I stood in front of the mirror, the event in the night was still fuzzy. I suddenly realized the extent of the deep healing within. I felt my legs all over again. Squatting and kicking around. There was not a hint of pain and I couldn't help but feel deeply elated that I was fitter than I could have imagined. More than overcoming the pain, it was about realizing the immense power of super conscious brain that we can tap into with so much ease.

I have had dozens of experiences in the past of instant healing of spasms, cramps, muscle pull by directing the healing power of pineal gland. Each of these experiences have helped me understand of our inner powers. But what happened in this instance was that I had not directed any flow of currents and only remained a witness to this deep process that triggered with a single thought. If only we can tap into the power of this super brain and our innate ability to connect with its super abilities to transform, heal and connect to our higher awareness seated deep in our core being.

the path that we are on

As you walk the Spiritual path
It widens, Not narrows
Until one day it broadens to a point,
Where there is no path left at all

Dr. Pradeep Ullal

Guru-the signpost

The path of highest awareness is a steep climb. Enroute to the peak, I passed many signposts, pointing to the peak. I saw many seekers prostrating at the signposts. I continued to climb without turning back. I reached the peak and enjoyed the view. I came down to narrate the experience of the peak, I saw the seekers still camping at the signposts. They were married to the signpost. Gurus are the signposts pointing to the peak. We have to follow the signs and continue our journey.

Dr. Pradeep Ullal

Guru-the signpost

The path of highest awareness is a steep climb. Enroute to the peak, I passed many signposts, pointing to the peak. I saw many seekers prostrating at the signposts. I continued to climb without turning back. I reached the peak and enjoyed the view. I came down to narrate the experience of the peak, I saw the seekers still camping at the signposts. They were married to the signpost. Gurus are the signposts pointing to the peak. We have to follow the signs and continue our journey.

Dr. Pradeep Ullal

When realization dawns

The essence of this message was revealed to me in my dhyana. If one can absorb the message and be in the path of supreme awareness, it will be worthwhile a journey on this plane

Deep movement leads to Stillness,

Deep Stillness leads to Silence,

Deep Silence leads to Awareness,

Deep Awareness leads to Realization,

Deep Realization of the self leads to the ‘Truth’.

The ‘Truth’ that Cosmic Consciousness is Absolute

and our involutionary journey is to realize

our eternal relationship with the Absolute.

Dr. pradeep ullal

Meeting with a true guru- Experience narrated by Sheila, Oman

When I went to see Pradeepji yesterday I tried as much as possible to keep an open mind. I will admit now that at some level I thought instead of him making me realise things, I would make him realise how special my Guru is! Yes, there was a certain amount of defiance - WHO can say anything about my Satguru.

We started to talk - I was resilient to his penetrating gaze, but beneath the resilience was a search. A search for some answers, for some way to break the barriers that trapped me while I held steadfastly to my Maharaji.

Pradeepji explained in considerable detail and with great patience, the Guru concept, the mantra with many examples and anecdotes. They all made sense. But the vision of my Maharaji stayed in my third eye and I told Him I will not leave Him, I cannot leave Him - it would amount to nothing less than betrayal.

Pradeepji then asked me point blank if I wanted help. I knew I wanted help desperately. I thought how can I come in this human form in darkness and leave it in darkenss? How could this lifetime just be wasted? At the same time, I felt that asking for help would mean betrayal of my Maharaji and lack of faith and trust in Him.

I mumbled an explanation. I think Pradeeji read my mind - I really dont' know. But then he asked me to look at a poster of Shiva on one of the walls. He asked me first to look at the face of the snake coiled around Shivji's neck. And that's when things started to go beserk! The face changed to Guru Nanak and then to Maharaji and back to Guru Nanak. Finally, I got to have darshan of my Guru - I had not seen him in sooooo long. Finally, I had darshan. Somewhere a voice said - this is the head of a snake! But the thought vanished as soon as it appeared and I gazed at my Maharaji - beautiful, glorious, just as I rememberd Him to be. I heard Pradeepji's voice ask me to shift my gaze to Shivji"s third eye. I didn't want to and I told him so. I just wanted to keep staring at my Satguru. Then it was as though my Satguru was telling me to do the same thing. I did, but reluctantly.

I gazed at the third eye - and thought I would rather be looking at Maharaji. But there was something compelling about that spot and I started to see beams of light emanating from it. I wanted to transport those beams into my third eye and closed my eyes.

A tsunami started to errupt within me. I had experienced something similar before and like before, I was terrified. I groped in the darkness and felt Pradeepji's comforting and reassuring hand on my arm, the other on my third eye. The fear was still there but I felt it was now or never. At that point I knew without any doubt, that even if I was to die - I wanted to surrender. This was the moment I had been waiting for, for so long. I did not do simran, I chanted no mantra, I just plunged into the darkness while currents began to rise inside. Imagine putting water down a pipe blocked with stones. The water would not flow through easily it would have to meander its way through jostling the stones as it did. Only in this case it was not up to down, it was from down to up.

My body started to shake - rattle - something like that. I felt myself lying down and then from the darkness came this peach coloured, opaque, soft light. It came, and came and just came. It turned yellow and began to mingle with purple. At times a few bits of black would appear, but the light shone through and became lighter. And then it became like a fawcet and showered me with it. More and more, I was bathed in the light, washed in it. It was not shocking or blinding - it was the most natural thing. And then to my great despair and pain, it began to fade and there was darkness. NO, no, no ... come back!

I felt somebody's hand on my crown chakra and wonder of wonders - the light came back and this time it was not a fawcet above me, it was at my level and it began to seep up my arms and legs, run through my viens. Instead of blood, light was running through my viens. I seeped it in thirstily like parched, cracked, dry mud would receive water after an excrutiatingly long dry spell. And all this against the sound of bells like a wind chime. Tinkling bells.

I dont know how long this took and this time I did not feel the light going away, because it was in me. How could it go? I opened my eyes and looked at the ceiling - I didn't want to. I just wanted to go back.

I opened my eyes again and looked at Pradeepji. I knew there were no words in creation that could express my gratitude. I looked at him in silence. His silence gaze affirmed to me that he understood. There was no need for words.

Caught between smiles and tears, Pradeepji helped me to realease all the pent up pain of separation, the struggle, the fears. I sobbed loudly from the pits of my belly.

And the BEST PART OF ALL WAS THAT THERE WAS NO QUESTION OF BETRAYAL. AS PRADDEP JI SAID - THE TRUE GURU IS WITHIHN. IT IS THE SAME THING MAHARAJI USED TO SAY.

Maharaji always said - search for the radiant form of the master. But alas, I was that fool who seeked enlightenment by gazing at His beautiful countenance, His Majestic demeanour, His gentle smile, the wave of His hand, the way He removed His watch before satsang and the way He wore it afterwards. I loved His physical form so much that I was blind to what He wanted me to see, deaf to what he wanted me to Hear, totally oblivious to what He wanted me to know.

I am so, so grateful. Grateful to Maharaji for making me feel attached to Him to the point of frustration. Grateful to my daughter from whom I have learnt so much and who took me to see Pradeepji. Grateful to Pradeepji who helped me to abandon my fears, to experience what I have been yearning for, to open my heart to all of creation, and showed me that we can learn from all we meet. And most of all, grateful for the Grace. For it is the Grace of the Divine that is the begining, the middle and the end.

As Pradeepji said a number of times, the sign post gives directions. Follow the directions to the top if you want to see the view. Prostrating at the sign post with all devotion will not take you to the top.

To everyone clinging to the sign post like I was, I will say, if someone pulls the sign post away from your clinging hands and tells you - enough of clinging, now March and make the journey, it is simply the Grace of your Guru - the Guru within.